How to stop expecting things from people? - Smiley Reader
July 10, 2020 |
| stop expecting things from people |
Align yourself with base reality, it’s a deeply humbling shift in perspective.
It is not easy by any measure but you’ve got to recognize a few things and remind yourself of them:
1. You can’t trust people’s words or actions or even intentions entirely because people aren’t in control of themselves and a lot of the variables exist beyond us despite the wonderful dreamlike fantasy, we tend to coat ourselves in as a defense measure against the brutality of life2. Pretty much anything that can go wrong will go wrong given enough time, players, and the right amount of circumstance… but you’ll never know when it will strike or why now of all times it had to so it will always catch you off guard3. People do not have free will because every choice has a consequence both seen and unseen, known and unknowable… but nonetheless predictable, we are bound and controlled by many perceptive biases and influences large and small, active, and passive…
People are undependable witnesses not just to the past but also the present and yet we try to make all kinds of agreements for the unknowable future to charge the very troubling and awkward fact that nobody is in control but we need to feel like we are.
Ever promised to be exclusive? You’re flying in the face of a base reality outcome… you’re making an agreement not to fail or else. You don’t even know who you become in a year or two but you’re now trying to live up to a projection that you’ll be harshly judged for not achieving and all the while that threat of losing everything will potentially eat away at you. The pressure to conform is so high but people don’t remove it because they believe it is the only way to align yourself with socially acceptable expressions of self, that if you don’t make this agreement (which is beyond the base reality human capacity to achieve) then you are absolutely unworthy and that tells them everything they need to know about your commitment level.
People need fantasies and we need our protective bubbles but we have huge kingdoms of influence we don’t step down from considering what we demand and expect or consider reasonable from another person. We have a way of manipulating others in either subtle or direct ways and unless we step out of that and acknowledge it then that power, that influence, is constantly active.
We become comfortable with the way things are and seek to destroy any threat to change, we are often happier losing our friend because of the predictable collapse and “betrayal” life brings when we realize that the person we are looking at now is no longer who they were… and yet we try to hold them in motionlessness or worse yet reshape them.
Instead, we could recognize and appreciate that people are constantly changing and that nobody chooses to fall in love so making them attempt to promise to love you for whatever length of time is obviously ridiculous. We can see new information and actions we weren’t expecting as a way to get closer and see more clearly that other person but instead we would rather hold onto the way we used to see them and treat this new impostor as some form of the awful and disgusting thing that hurt our feelings and deserves to lose everything.
I’m aware of what I’m saying here and the examples that will come up if anyone interacts with me on it or reviews at it, I’m just saying that corrupt reality doesn’t care at all what you expected or needed… it came along and did what it was always going to and you chose to be willfully blind to it because it is comfortable.
We make promises to each other without even acknowledging that there are many possible futures in which factors step in to mess it up, and then when those factors occur (the reasonable, the possible, and the uncommon/rare) we hold someone overly accountable for them emotionally even if we could reassure ourselves at the moment that the reason they’re not on time or that things aren’t going as planned is possibly something important or tragic we just find it easier and quicker to access a judgment of their character or use it to continue a negative image somehow.
For example, you’re thinking maybe they didn’t show up on time because they don’t care about you or maybe you’re worthless of their care or importance” or you’re thinking maybe they’re just awful at time management because they can’t priorities anyone above their own selfish needs.
These sentences make up a huge amount of people’s thinking, and the more you play into them the truer that version of reality becomes and nobody can convince you otherwise because the brain self protects whatever form of reality you repeat most frequently.
Some people go to the extreme of “he’s late and he better has an excuse and it better be a good one”
What are you hoping for there? In order to satisfy your ideals and expectations, you’re hoping something bad has happened.
If you want to stop expecting people to be what they are not then it is time to start appreciating what they are, acknowledging the variables at play, and being grateful you even have a date on the way who is likely trying their damnedest even with improper reality getting in the way to make it there.
Stop projecting, put the stick down, and be grateful for that now. Stop playing games, cos ultimately that’s what it is.
It is also a lack of imagination combined with obedience to “only my reality is valid”. You don’t know the truth; you have a twisted perspective like everyone else.
You can fail, make mistakes etc. etc. and the harsher you are with people for having bad days, weeks, months, and years of being unable to live up to whatever is demanded of them the harder your life will be on some inner level if not obvious.
Put down the stick. Stop waving sticks at people and wondering why they’re acting like you might hit them in the face.
It’s called modesty.
How you control your expectation? Let us know in the comment below.
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8 comments
Very good
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Interesting, captivating, educative and beautiful content.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the these compliments.
DeleteOh My!!! Are you tappin into my spirit right now!! Love this!!!
ReplyDeleteNo, i'm not tapping into your spirit, haha.
Deletebut thank you for reading.
Fabulous lines 🔥 🔥 😊💓
ReplyDeleteVery well written and loved to read
ReplyDeleteThank you
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